Friday, November 26, 2010

It's the Weekend....

It's so nice to have the weekends off. So. Nice.
I can't say it enough- I'm loving my life. I knew the pendelum would swing the other way, eventually...nothing is forever, right?
I'm more "me" than I've been since I left Michigan. No apologies anymore. Not one. And no more prisoners. There's peace here. It comes from an unburdened heart and a peaceful soul. I surprise myself sometimes, because instead of being angry and "doom, doom, doom", like I have been for a while, I'm like "it's all gonna be okay. It'll be over soon", and I cheerfully smile and go along my way.
I've got so much good in my life, and it's no longer being overshadowed by a looming foreboding. I always knew that there was good, but it sometimes gets clouded by massive shitstorms, ya know?
I got a special hug today. My friend Amber is not much of a touchy person, EVER. She always looks uncomfortable when I hug her goodbye, but I do it anyway, because I love her, and in the event that I never make it home or something happens between that day and the next that I'm supposed to see her, I always make sure she'll know I cared about her. (Side note, I don't leave my parents without hugging and kissing both, and telling them that I love them- and no friend gets left without love, either). If there's going to be a last memory of me, I want it to be a loving one. Anyway, she texted me a few days ago, and it said "We've got a problem." And when I tried to call her back, no answer. No answer for three days, and I couldn't track anyone down that had talked to her. So, today after work, I drove to Headland to see about her. I knocked on the door, and she threw it open and said "You DO love me! You're the only one!" and hugged my neck ferociously. I laughed and said "of course I did. I didn't know if you were dead, in jail, crying in a corner, what. I came to see you. Now, why the hell don't you answer your phone?" Turns out, her boyfriend was trying to do something nice and did the laundry...and laundered her phone at the same time. But, she's safe. And she knows I love her. :)
I love all the women in my life. They're super amazing- I'm constantly in awe of them. I understand why men think we're magic because, hell, I am a woman, and I think we're pretty damn magical too. I meet new amazing women everyday, too. It's so awesome. It makes me giddy. I love my men, I do. And there's a great many of them that I wouldn't trade the world for- but there's something about women that can just make you say "whoa". I'm so glad I am one of them.
I'm grateful for my life and the people in it every day. Thanksgiving seems rather blase to me because I remember everyday that it doesn't have to be good, and by good fortune I have great people in my life, and my dogs, and a home. I have love, friendship, food, and a roof over my head- this is so much more than so many. I'm truly lucky and humbled by the favor of the Universe.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Rockin It

I recently went legal- that is, I started using iTunes. Why? Because limewire is under attack from the Feds. I'm not upset about it- I mean, I just bought a bunch of songs I like. I don't mind spending 99 cents- I do mind buying an entire album with one good song and fourteen fillers.
Oh, changes.
I'm still enjoying my job, still having a good time. I'm not getting ahead of myself. I'm more relaxed than I've been in a long time. I get to go out on the weekends now- and I don't have to listen to bitching. Single suits me sooo well. I get to have fun when I want to, I don't have anyone to clean up after or cook for besides myself. It's good stuff. And, I've got time to make new friends, which I've been doing in abundance lately. I may as well face the fact that I do have as much of a natural inclination to be social as I do to be alone. I love to be around people- when I actually want to be around them. Lol, go figure right?
I bought silk thigh high stockings today. Why? Because I've always wanted some. And it feels good to treat myself like that- even though I don't know when I'll ever wear them....but then, I do have a pencil skirt and red high heels. It may have to happen. I love flirting (and I've missed it sooo much), and there's nothing better for an ego than to walk into a place and watch everyone watch me. It's not insecurity, it's just a love of attention.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Swing Swing From The Tangles of My Heart

I decided a while ago that I was going to live with dignity, clean up my act, and quit letting my more animalistic side have so much free reign in my life. Basically, it's been an exercise in being "civilized" and trying to be more restrained- you know, quit letting my mouth run away with me (what I fondly call "word puke"), quit letting my "drives" take over. Become cerebral.
What I've found is that this is harder said than done multiplied by eleventy billion. I am not good at not saying exactly what I think, I am not good at saying no to things that I want sooooo bad. But, I've done it. And I deserve a goddamn cookie.

Here's why:
1. There's this man, you see, that has more than picqued my interests (if ya know what I mean :p). And, despite every fiber of my body screaming "you want it, have it", I listened to my brain, and I spoke my mind, carefully. I told him no- because I don't want to be a number and I deserve better than that. I want something more meaningful in my life than a good memory of what happened once upon a time.....and delayed gratification is one of the juiciest things in the world. :) See? Still managed to sneak a tease in there....
And he said "I don't want you to be a number either."
Gold star for me! And a gold star for him, too.

2. While walking across the street in Abbeville, a really gross guy came walking up, wanting to know if I was married, and, hesitantly, instead of lying and being mean and giving him a lesson in pick-up etiquette, I said "no", and continued on my way. Then he said "then put your number in my phone", and held it out to me. And, instead of unleashing on him, I said "Um, no. Thank you and goodbye". Waaaaaaaaaaaay nicer than anything I would've done two months ago.

Gold star!

3. I have restrained myself from doing any illegal activities, buying CDs or movies, or clothes. I've put my money away for bills and savings. This isn't new- but I've been wanting all these things for so long.
Gold star!

And, as we all know, three gold stars means a cookie.

I've made a new friend at work. Her name is Kat, and she's awesome. She's sooo pleasant, so nice, so much fun. I enjoy her company every single day because nine times out of ten, we're experiencing technical difficulties and we can't do anything but sit and wait. We mix very well and we're very comfortable with one another. She's one of the rare souls that I immediately liked and trusted. Apparently, we also favor physically, because most of the people that we work with think that we're sisters or cousins. She's got long brown curly hair like mine and we share skin tone, but that's about it. But people keep saying we favor in the face...and we don't see it. But whatever. Maybe she's a sister in soul. :) It is good to have a new friend.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's Been a Long, Long Time....

Life has changed so much recently, and all for the better. I moved into a nice three-bedroom, two bath house with a big fenced in back yard (perfect for the puppies). I started a brand-new job that I like, I live a little closer to my parents. I don't work on the weekends. Good stuff. Thank God. It needed to happen.
I'm always grateful for change, honestly. And I'm humbled by the Universe's gratitude- and my parents. If it hadn't been for them, this could've turned into an absolute nightmare. But it's all good.
I'm doing my best to become a better person, still. I'm trying really, really hard to become really even-tempered. Like, so chill that I'm almost comatose. And I'm living with some dignity. I have more self-respect for myself than I think I've ever had...probably because I'm making it all by myself.
There are few things I love more than coming home to an empty house and happy dogs. It's lovely. I don't have to cook or clean for anyone but me. Call me selfish, but I love it. I have friends that come over all the time, so I'm not alone if I don't want to be. My friend Nicole has started staying with me every Saturday night- which is soooo much fun. She comes over after work, we get ready, and we go out somewhere, sometimes a bar, sometimes just dinner. We go home to my house and fall asleep to a movie, and the next day we get up and go to my parents' house for breakfast. This weekend, she's coming over and we're making hair clips and going out. It'll be awesome. It's been sooo long since I've had a friendship like this- and I've missed it. My friend Amber is the coolest, though- she and I level in a really awesome way. I've missed her a lot- between work and working on my home, and Nicole coming over on Saturdays, I haven't seen her in two weeks. It's all gonna change this weekend- I'm gonna take her out to our favorite restaurant and treat her to some good quality chill time. Can't say I'm short on men these days either- but I'm maintaining a respectful distance. I'm having too much fun to get involved, and I'm sick of being involved anyway. It's time for a break, a respite from male bullshit. I'm enjoying life too much to be lonely.