And indeed, it's dumped buckets....of absolute horseshit.
This blog will not be keeping with the theme of "looking back"- instead it will focus on the very present, which is where we should all stay anyway. I think maybe I've been diggin' nostaglia so much this past month because so many things have gone sooo terribly wrong.
Take this past week: Significant Other's truck broke down; it's a short in the wiring, which means it's going to cost big bucks to fix. I sprained my ankle- to the point that it now resembles more of an inedible log of sausage. I tried to go to school today, but it swelled up so much that my shoe cut off the circulation to my toes and I couldn't walk very well. So I went home, planning to elevate it and put compresses on it.......and upon arriving at my house, I found my dog Skittles (the black and white one in the pictures on a recent blog) hemorrhaging. Honestly, when I walked in the door, I thought she'd killed something there was so much blood all over the place....until she walked away from me and I saw all the blood on her butt and down her legs. I rushed her to the vet. They informed me that she has a disease commonly called HGE, which means her colon had spontaneously starting bleeding profusely. They also informed me that it was paramount to her survival that she stay there under 24 hour watch so that they could stabilize her and begin to fix the problem. I won't know the verdict on her until tomorrow morning. Normally, HGE is a completely 'curable' problem (that is to say, she'll probably have problems with this all her life, but it can be fixed when it flares up), and not necessarily life threatening as long as its treated immediately. But, her case is apparently very severe.
It goes without saying that I'm terribly worried for her. I'm not sure that I'll be doing much sleeping tonight. She's my co-pilot. She's the reason I got up and kept on keeping on. She soothes my soul and makes me smile. She's my foot warmer during the night when we're sleeping, and she's my best 'good morning' waker-upper. I'm sure she'll be okay. She has to be.
But in the mean time, I sit here and watch these big ticket bills pile up around me, and I'm informed that my psychology professor is locking me out of the college's website (where we get a great deal of class materal and where you have to take all the tests) due to my absence today. I wrote him an email explaining the situation, and I'm hoping that he'll be understanding. I never wanted any of this to happen. But if not, I guess I can kiss this semester goodbye as well as graduating in August.
I'm trying to have hope, honestly....but things just haven't gone well enough for me to have an unshakeable faith that it's all gonna go the way I really, really, really want it to go. I just want everyone healthy, I want the machinery to work, and I want to finish college. That's it. I've worked so hard, so long, and sacrificed a great deal- I just want a small break. For once, I'd like to get what I've worked so hard to reach.