Friday, December 11, 2009

Letter From a Dissatisfied American

Play this before, after, or during reading this.

Let me address first the federal government: get the hell out of people's personal choices. It is not your business who anyone wants to marry or how someone exercises their reproductive freedom, nor is it any of your business if someone wants to smoke or drink or gamble. Shame on you for failing to do what is right by your constituents instead of what fattens your bank account, and for those representatives and senators who are honest, shame on your for not publicly calling out the indescretions of your colleagues that are wooed and swayed to make decisions that aren't an accurate representation of the people of the United States. Let me remind you, ladies and gentlemen, that government was never meant to be a business, it was meant to be a public service, which would make you public servants. If it were left up to me, I'd hand all of you pink slips. Your job is to protect us and provide the people with security and basic human services- that's what we actually pay you to do. And you're failing miserably. You should come home to your districts and face the music- in fact, you should only be allowed to go to Washington DC for a week every month, so that you are more readily available to the people who elected you to your position. Obviously, you can't be trusted to get too far from home without acting a damn fool.
Secondly to extremists: Christian Fundamentalists: I want to remind you that Jesus never ever said that you should force your will or your principals on another: he said to be kind, tolerant, and stick to your own moral fortitudes. PAUL, who was a slayer of Christians to begin with, was the one who, after an epiphany, decided to convert and then decided everyone should convert too. Paul handed down that message to convert the masses, not Jesus Christ. And I think you're smart enough to know that it's Christianity not Paulanity, so stick to your four gospels and quit judging everyone else. It's your religious obligation to be tolerant, kind, and charitable and to be an upstanding people, not to oppress the will of others. I've read your religious text twice now- how many of you can say that you've read it in its entirety ever? Yeah, that's what I thought. Shut up, put down your signs, quit murdering gynocologists, and for the love of God please learn that doctrine that you say you believe. Muslim Extremists: please, please, please, start using some logic. First off, if you blow everyone up, who's going to be left to praise Allah? Secondly, you catch more flies with honey: maybe someone would take your grievances seriously if yall quit acting like five year olds throwing tantrums. And, finally, think of this: you may have the guts to die, but do you have the balls to face and try to understand your fears? Because, after all, hatred comes from fear, which stems from ignorance. It is a universal principle that if a person doesn't understand something, they're going to be very wary of it. Get it together: demand your mullahs also read you Locke's Treatise on Human Rights. And while you're at it, get a copy of The Vagina Monologues, Feminine Mystique, Cunt, and Flow. You don't know shit about women or how to treat or deal with them, and while I've tried to understand women for years and I've read these books, I don't get them entirely, but I've got a good idea. Besides, it's probably in your best interest to make good with over half of the world's population: one day, they could rise against you, and then what? You could be in big trouble and have some 'splainin' to do'. Not that it would help. Oh, and leave Israel the hell alone. You won't win. Those are some badass people with lots of technology, the Moussad, and about five thousand years worth of knowledge in fighting for survival. Let it go and spare yourself having to save face in front of the entire world.
Glenn Beck, I have two words for you: shut up.
Bill O'Reilly: get your facts straight.
Barack Obama: I'm sure you're doing what you can, but you're not sticking to your plan. Get back to the basics, man, and this nation can be better. I haven't lost complete faith that I can see us avoid a terrible dive into the abyss, but you've got to hold the reins a little tighter. You believe in public service, I'm sure: get on these people to do their jobs. Also, please bring all of this nation's military home ASAP. I'm sick of people dying and seeing people come back in pieces and with fragmented minds. Also, you need to do something about the VA because they've got to step it up and take care of the business of caring for these people who've been so kind as to go out on the front lines and fight for their lives and for ideals.
People, look around you, and see what we can accomplish if we would just look for ourselves in the faces of those who look back at you.

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