Monday, May 24, 2010

Moments of Freedom

It's funny how much flying into a rage can really change your life. After my boyfriend called me an asshole because I got mad that he borrowed hundreds of dollars from my parents just to avoid going to fill out the paperwork so he could go to school for free...I unloaded all over him. In fact, it would not be terribly exaggerated to say that I lit his ass up. It's unfortunate to say, but for just about everything he had to say, all I had to say to him was "f$%k you!"- with gusto. I told him to get all his shit out of my house on Sunday, when he came back in to town....I'd had enough.
Quite frankly, he's been a totally self-involved asshole, and totally unsupportive, uncooperative, and lazy. All of these are "qualities" that any woman would balk at- and finally, after six months, I'd had ENOUGH. I'd made enough excuses for his shitty behavior, dealt with it long enough. It was time he dealt with himself.
So, in celebration, I bought myself some pens- and the liberation of wasting $2.16 was just phenomenal. Then, I went to Friday's with Twinkle and Iman, and boy did we do it up. I ended up with a 25 dollar bar tab- drinking $3 long islands. More money put to use in a non-survival kind of way. It felt great...hell, I felt great. I was pretty happy, needless to say.
I wish I could do this kind of thing all the time. Not that I want to drink all the time, necessarily... I just like the idea of being able to afford a $25 dollar tab and still pay all my bills.
I'm thinking it's time to sell some stuff...the beauty of being completely broke most of the time is that you find ways to make shit work. I wish that there was a bottle return program in Alabama...there was one in Michigan, and every can was worth 10 cents. I can't tell you how many times beer bottles and pop cans put gas in my car or bought my friends and I a cup of coffee and a small salad- and sometimes it was both, if I happened to have had a party recently.
When I got up on Sunday, I had a slight hangover, mostly, I think because I didn't sleep the two nights before my drink night. Went to work, came home. It's the same thing over and over again.
I think it's time that I took an adventure somewhere. I read about these people backpacking from Miami, Florida, to Argentina, going to Blue Mountain Beach, going to Spain, India, here there and everywhere, and I want to do that too. Maybe someday soon....I'll start saving money again, specifically for that. I tell myself that the adage "if it's not worth working for, it's not worth having" is a key tenet of life.....but it'd be nice if every once in a while, I could catch a break.

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