Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I had a very pleasant day. I took library books back and had my final exam in psychology. Then I headed to get insurance forms filled out at my doctor's office- only to find to my surprise that they were totally on the ball and had already gotten them, filled them out, and sent them back in. (!) Such a lovely surprise. Then, I went to see my mother before she goes to north Alabama to get my grandmother. We ended up going to Target- the plan was for sheets. And, we did get sheets- amazing organic cotton ones that are the bee's knees. They're so soft, so ungenetically modified, so un-pesticided that it seems a shame to ever buy anything else. We originally went for bamboo sheets, but they were out (probably because they're actually more amazing than organic cotton). But, we got other things too- I got a wallet shaped like a record, a dress, a few shirts, and some underwear too (which is always in need, since my pit bull LOVES to eat underwear and knows how to open the drawers of the chest to get to them). The end total was $200- 2/3 of what rent costs me a month. God, I can't wait to drop that kind of money on "stuff" and not worry about it 'cause I'm definitely worried about it now.

Then, we went to Ruby Tuesday for salads and mini burgers. We were seated...we waited. The server finally came by, and she was lovely- brought us our drinks in a hurry, and we ordered. We went for salads. We finished the salads......40 minutes later, we were still waiting for our mini burgers. Then, here comes the manager- she's buying our dinner because the kitchen messed up our order. That was awfully nice. We never asked where our food was, mind you- my mom and I just sat and talked and once she asked me "how long does it take to get two tiny hamburgers cooked do you think?"- while no one was in earshot. But, we got our food, it was delicious, and it was free- so, super amazing. THEN- it was off to Michael's Crafts. I have to say, it was slightly disappointing. I miss Hobby Lobby- they have lower prices and better selection, but Michael's is the only game in town. Mom bought me a calligraphy pen set and a new ink well so that I can do pen-and-ink artwork again, and she bought me the string needed to re-make all the semi-precious stone bracelets I've broken in the past five years. I'm excited for that- there's two chakra bracelets, tourmaline, two turqoise, smoky quartz, carnelian, citrine, and a jade bracelet to be made. Like I said earlier, it's time to get back to my crafty ways. :)

Mom and I went a little crazy on the crochet patterns, too. She and I both picked up four or five each- and as we left the store, we wondered why. We live in the Deep South where the most you'll ever need is some good galoshes and a hoodie. Heavy blankets, hats, and sweaters are not needed at all, but old Michigan habits die hard, I guess. We love to make stuff like's just now, we have no reason to use it. Mom told me that she'd rather I didn't give her a reason to make crocheting a necessity again, even though she liked it- she doesn't want me to go back to Michigan unless I have a good job there. She was always afraid for me after she moved here, and I'm not sure why. She'd lived there as long as I had, but I think the difference was that she had been there with me. There are people that would tell me I'd never understand because I'm not technically a mother but-

I think that's a crock of shit, and it annoys me to no end when people tell me that. It's basically the same as saying that I've never loved someone or something so much that I want to protect it or them at all costs, that I'd die for it or them, that I've never experienced the joyous sorrow of knowing that they're all grown up, etc. Guess what, all you moms out there- there are people out there capable of having motherly love without having our vaginas go through holy hell or our bellies cut open. I've been playing "Mama" for years to people who's mothers didn't want them, didn't want to spend the time on them, never cared about them, or would never care more about their kids than themselves. Stop telling the surrogate mothers like me out there that we don't know what it's like- because we do. We cared when they didn't, we potty-trained and taught reading when "Mama" was too drunk, we fed and clothed them when "Mama" wanted to spend the money for such things on heroin and cocaine. We were there when "Mama" got so messed up that she shot herself, we were there for graduation, baseball games, ballet recitals, drivers tests, "the Talk", all those things. Mama is the best friend you'll ever have in your life- and I've done that. I've had that. I learned from the best though- I may be biased, but I've got the best mother I could ever hope for.

Rant aside, I spent the day with my mother. I couldn't spend the day with her Sunday- but I brought her a dictionary, thesaurus, and special crossword puzzle pen because my mother LOVES crosswords, and I'm all about her doing something she loves. Plus, it exercises her brain, and she's nearing 70. Brain exercise is important, no matter how old you are, but it's especially important when you start to really age.

I wonder if we get to choose our mothers- my experience says we do, because I can't think of anyone who could adequately have always handled me so well as my own dear mother. I can't think of anyone that could look at me for everything I am and say "that's good"- there's so much of "me" that the average parental unit would try to sequester. And my mother chose to cultivate those things and make them useful instead of trying to force me into someone I couldn't be. My mother is my very best friend- she's never let me down, she's not always agreed with me but still supported me and believed I had a right to think as I wanted and be who I am, and she's taught me more than any book I ever read. There are no words for the magnitude of the amazingness that my mother is. Sure, my mom is human- and that's fine with me. She forgives me for being human, and I forgive her for it too. But my Mama sure is the closest thing to God I've ever found on Earth.

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