Monday, June 28, 2010

Time Marches On

Well, it's Day Six of Not Smoking at my house, and I think it may be safe to say that we're through the worst of it. Thoughts of homicide haven't passed through mine or Significant Other's heads for a few days now- and we haven't fought since Day Three. There are ocassions that I just can't keep myself from eating chocolate- I'll crave it so badly that it literally will drive me to distraction. I've also craved A LOT of salty foods. Within moderation, I've allowed myself all these things. Getting over an addiction isn't necessarily an easy thing, and I'm afraid if I tell myself "no" too much I'll relapse. I'm through with relapsing- it's such a bitch to try to quit again. Plus, I'm really diggin' seeing all these good things happen just because I quit smoking. I feel so much better, I can actually breathe, I look so much healthier, I'm learning to work through my stress without falling back on a crutch, my bank account isn't going down from buying cigarettes anymore (and I'm not wondering where my money is going anymore), and I'm doing yoga everyday again. I can smell better, which is a huge deal to me, and I can taste better as well- and I love food. My cravings are fewer now, but they're more intense. When Significant Other is around and I'm having that moment, he doesn't understand (probably because I haven't told him) that he annoys me badly- when I'm dealing with a craving, I don't want to talk to him or anyone else. I haven't told him this because I know it'll start a fight. Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all. I've learned this with him, that's for sure.
Just to have peace, I've learned it's best to just say nothing at all and go about my day and pretend it doesn't happen. I quite frankly don't have the time to deal with "our" problems, and lately I haven't had the patience to do it either. Heehee, it takes a lot of patience for me to deal with me every day- there's not much left over to deal with other people and their baggage.
Quitting smoking is just the first in many changes for the better that I want to make this year. This is the one that I chose to tackle first, as sometimes my greatest challenge comes from "the enemy within".

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